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Thursday, June 15, 2017

Summer Camp Stories Week 1

Don't let anyone fool you.  That title is a lie!  They call it summer camp, but it's really summer school.  It's a little like taking a zucchini and wrapping it in a Snickers wrapper.  You get all excited to do campy things and it's just a f*cking zucchini!  It's really a little cruel to the little ones because they take everything so literally.  One kiddo said, "When are we going to put up our tents to camp out?", schmamp.  I'm here to tell the stories that happened this week in "summer camp".  First of all, I got placed in 1st grade.  For those of you that know me, you know that A) I have never taught a grade lower than 3rd grade and B) I just really love playing and goofing off with the little ones.  That being said, I am happy to report, that I love, I'm talking big, puffy heart, love 1st grade summer school.  Now, on to the stories.

Day 1:  One of my kiddos, M, is about the most precious thing you've ever seen.  She is the size of a 4-year-old and speaks with the authority of a 40-year-old.  M's favorite phrase is "Can I tell you something?"  Well, of course you can!  This is why I can't teach 1st grade on a regular basis...I would listen to them tell me EVERY. SINGLE. STORY.  So, M proceeds to tell me all about herself.  At recess, I learn that her dad works on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, but not Saturday or Sunday.  She tells me about her favorite color, blue. And her favorite food, guacamole.  At one point I tell another teacher that I would take her home with me and M says, "I'm pretty sure my dad is picking me up so you can't take me home."  Later, she tells me that if her dad doesn't pick her up she will go home with me and on the way she can tell me all about her favorite foods so I can make them for her.  No problem, M.  Obviously she gets picked up by her dad.    

Day 2:  New student shows up for summer school.  We'll call her B.  B is the youngest of 4 and cannot stop talking to me!  Duh, captive audience!  So, another student (J) is hugging me and B says,
"Do you love her?"
J: Ummm...well, no...I don't know.
B: Well, I love her!
J:  stares blankly
B: Do you want to marry her?
B:  Well, I do!
Then B looks at me and says, "Will you marry me?"  
Me:  Sure, but I'll have to ask Mr. Hutchens
B: What?  Who's that?
Me:  My husband
B:  Ok, well then you can just be my mommy!
She has yet to stop calling me mommy! :)

Day 3:  One boy, D, is mad because he didn't get the chair he wanted to sit in.  I finally said something to him and added a "Bye, Philippe" to the end of it.  One little girl says, "Bye, Felicia" to him and he says, "It's Philippe, not Felicia!"

Day 4:  We are doing Olympics-style games in the afternoon.  Today was the discus.  For us that meant throwing a paper plate the farthest.  Each kiddo got 2 turns to throw.  D throws his the farthest and when he wins, he is jumping up and down and high fiving everyone like he just won the NBA championship or something!  He kept saying, "I can't believe I won!"  

Have I mentioned how much I love 1st grade summer school?

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